i bought a car yesterday for $1500 in cash. i didn't have much time to be excited about it but i will find some time today when i go through some drive thru for food latersat, may 10
sun, may 11
today was awesome! I spoke with my mom for the day and got a free car wash today after church.
mon, may 12
i thought a lot about my potential small business ventures and i overstimulated myself. driving around has made it easier to manage it all. i also got to spend some quality time with who i believe to be my forever love
tues, may 13
today was very productive; while im usually off work i had training for something like natural storm emergencies with my job; shortly after training i headed to another branch to cover a night shift that went swimmingly i almost slept in the parking lot of a popular gas station here in central florida but a good friend of mine [and old roommate] offered me a very comfy couch instead
wed, may 14
this morning i helped a friend get to work by picking him up & dropping him off; he was kind enough to bring me breakfast [i love strawberries] after that i killed some time at a hotel that serves free coffee!! it was indeed splendid... i managed to squeeze in a nap since i was up so early. now just patiently waiting for closing time
thur, may 15
i slept in the parking lot of where i work and it was actually not so bad. something to note, i should really charge up all my devices so i can have some kind of entertainment breakfast was phenominal for it be golden corral; i actually secretly enjoy eating here; mostly because of the variety i also found out that the old laundromat i used to go to is now 24 hours which means a number of things surpassing the laundry i have accumulated. i do need to eventually take a shower... i need to desperately retwist my hair
fri, may 16
friday was fabulous; i had an amazing day and even though i picked up a much longer shift it was well worth the money i also got to pay my dear bunny friend a house visit; i missed them so much! i accompanied them for a trip to the grocery before watching a movie i've always wanted to watch when i was younger: confessions of a teenage drama queen. it was so cool to spend time,i'm spoild rotten by them to be honest. thankfully i didn't have to sleep in the car tonight so that was pretty cool.
sat, may 17
i didn't want to wake up this morning but i'm grateful i did; work has gone so swiftly today (possibly because it is a shorter shift). i have organized the car a bit so it can be a little more comfortable to reside in for the time being. i desperately need to vaccuum and spot wash it smh. i had salmon for dinner and it was just as tasty as it was the other day! a friend also cooked a small bowl of ramen and sweet potato dino nuggets for me.
sun, may 18
i woke up wayyyy too early (much earlier than i had to and even worse stayed up wayyy too late and lack sweet sweet sleep. i covered a friend's shift today so more $$$ to supply for off the grid living. i had the best food today it was awesome!
mon, may 19
i thankfully didn't have to sleep in my car the other night but i ended up drinking an entire can of alcohol and made me feel embarrassed. i've been doing great at cutting back but also not endulging when i'm already feeling crappy. thank God that i didn't hurt myself too bad... just a mild hangover that lived for all of 2 hours.
tues, may 20
i was blessed again after work yesterday to have a bed to lay my head; my friend is the absolute best and i'm realizing more as time passes that he is one of my biggest supporters in my life. spending time with him last night was amazing and i was sober enough to recall and enjoy it. we listened to some great music before i had to head into work. i'm trying my best to think the most of my paycheck this week; i am eager to give to the church (whichever one i plan to visit this sunday) and pay back my brother...the sooner i pay off my debts the sooner i will be able to knock out the bigger invoices before July arrives.
wed, may 21
i have been very blessed to have had a place to stay the last couple days. while i did have a meltdown (mostly induced by drunken stupor) about feeling alone i think my friend has made it ten times better in letting me know i have more support than i realize. it was kind of getting to me that i didn't feel comfortable or at all NOT embarrassed to ask for help since living in my car but now, it doesn't feel so awful. one thing i have realized that foraging for food and beverage is a lot easier with a vehicle than not; i got a free coffee at the home suites (they have a whole coffee bar!); the woman at the front was ever so kind enough to ask if i was "charging" or paying for my purchase (a very small $4 carton of edible cookie dough). her nails were wonderful. after that i headed back after taking friend to work and had some leftovers for breakfast and passed out (again!) work was pleasant today (as of now it's 7:45p and we close at 9...) i just wish that the day would go by much faster...
thur, may 22
i had training for "crisis prep" this morning; i volunteered at work to aid before, during, and after natural disasters in our county. i was very blessed to have a couch to sleep on the night prior from a much older friend that serves as my living grandpa of sorts. he's been so kind and country lol. after training i spent $30 on myself to make my hair look nice; i still think i spent too much money but my hair was in desperate need of attention. retwisting and doing my hair in the car was awfullllllllll especially because of the heat but i finally finished in time for dinner provided by "grandpa" i finally had a decent bowl of pho (its been so long!)
fri, may 23
blessed with couch again and a good shower; i'm very thankful for good habits of hygiene lol. the car is getting cleaner and cleaner with my freetime to move things around. seeing what works and what doesn't and what i can actually carry is useful in these times. i have noted that i do need a laundry card and small vessels for detergent and such. today we lost a coworker who i adored... he's moving back to wisconsin; a far better place than where a former trespassed patron of ours has gone this past week... that guy was unfortunately shot and killed by a checker's employee. i won't say much about him personally because i owe him that respect but i'm filled with sorrow knowing that he suffered the worst consequence for his negative behaviors; i was really hoping there would've been some correction or compassion for how he sometimes makes others feel.
sat, may 24
i took a pretty decent nap in the shade yesterday after work; it was a great nap considering the weather and ability to stretch out my body as much as i could. i thought i was going to stay the evening in the car until i got a call from my very special friend after 2am... in his defense he was just getting in from hanging out with new coworkers/friends. the bed felt great but not as great as the shower... i've noticed since sleeping in the car my body adapts to the car smell so i get pretty smelly easily if i stay in it for long periods of time. still haven't deep cleaned her, but desperately need to. work is exceptionally busy today which is great considering it's one of my early shifts; i can't wait to get out of here.
i thought i was going to make it to a friend's party after work but another friend needed me with her... this tends to happen to me a lot because i was really excited to go to the party with a tummy prepared for filling but i was okay knowing i was able to help out my friend with just my presence. the situation is sticky what she's going through... i'm glad that she confided in me.
sun, may 25
i slept in the parking lot of a dollar general after spending a dedicated amount of time with my homegirl, i was so exhausted... and the weather wasn't as terrible as it has been this week. i was able to get as much sleep as i could though unfortunately i wasn't able to make it to church upon waking up on time. my body so desperately needed the rest but i have plans to check out the live stream feed for the missed sermon. i have been doing well on food though, it's just the weather that bothers me really... that and feeling lonely sometimes. which ultimately is very strange considering that i love and appreciate my me time. *shrug*
mon, may 26
today was really tough because i felt the most lonely but (!) i was able to speak with my mommy for her birthday and spend some quality time with myself. it truly is nice to have the freedom to travel and be where i want to be and spend the time i want with those i love but when those people and places are unavailable it becomes kind of sucky.. the best part was that i was fed and had a safe place to sleep... added bonus was completing my binge on watching traitors on peacock. please be a friend and talk to me about this show its great! lol
tues, may 27
today i received 1K likes on tiktok!! that's crazy!!! i very much appreciate the love and support; i just never imagined that i would be wading in these waters when im also wading in a pool of chronic homelessness. the world works in mysterious ways! while im not estatic to be living the unconventional life of nomadic trade, i am very grateful for the idea ive had years prior for this very same life. i just thought i was going to be in better conditions and by choice to live this way but what ive come to find out is: that if it wasn't meant it wont, but if its supposed to happen, it will by any means necessary whether its conventional or not. ive so longed for the dream of living on the road and thought it would be by means of me knowing all i need to know but also by ultimate choice for travel. this is not what i expected at all.
i read a story to a young patron today... she appeared to enjoy reading on her own. her famliy gave her much freedom to venture to the children's department with me. that isnt a stab at their parenting at all, im sure they are wonderful parents. i think it was therapeutic for me to understand that someone, anyone for that matter, would listen to me...
wed, may 28
this morning was kind of sucky but still expressing gratitude for opening my beautiful eyes to another day of life! i say it was sucky though because i was feeling that strange but short wave of loneliness; living out of a car you're blessed with ample "me time" and that's all great and dandy but can be kinda lonely sometimes. i also haven't managed an actual full shower since saturday... realizing that just made me wince a bit at myself but thankfully the car smell isn't as strong on me for the last few days; i've managed to clean the car up a bit praise the Lord, though it still kinda smells like old beach sand... i'm hopeful that i have a place to shower tonight as i am off tomorrow and would love to seize the day with a clean body.. well, cleaner than it is at this moment :S
thur, may 29
i was blessed with a shower and a place to stay after work last night!! all praises!! my bestie comes in clutch; he messaged me during the storm. i was so thankful to clean every inch of my body [sorry if that's entirely too much information lol]. anyway, i've been indoors mostly thankfully to give ol' betsy a rest, by betsy i mean the car lol. while i was in and out of sleep i had great rest. i woke up to watch my favorite ghibli howl's moving castle and spent the rest of the day having fun with my favorite friend. i got to play the keys and uke a bit today.
fri, may 30
i am grateful for another night of rest in a bed. i picked up extra hours so i had to clock in in the morning, which kind of sucked but i could always use the extra money. thankfully it's friday so we close at 6p today.
sat, may 31
yesterday after work i receieved a text and phone call as soon as i got off work from an old coworker. she had just had her baby boy and asked if i wanted to go shopping with her. we had went on a random shopping trip before so i assumed this was just a quick catch up hang out. long story short, i took to the wheel after sharing a bottle of tequila with her; this by far is the worst mistake i have consistently made and i felt terrible. i slept most of the day at a special friend's place and he too was disappointed with me. in his defense, he's witnessed a lot of my struggles of recent after seeing possibly the best version of myself before seeing me crumble to pieces in the last 5 years. i used today to rest and refill the gas tank but a chunk of the day was spent yelling and screaming trying to get my point across and apologizing over and over again. i really don't like when i get this way but ultimately i was presented with a multiple choice test and i failed again. it was otherwise a great day considering the conversation was concluded even though there were a lot of feelings still waivering in the air. we were later joined with another good friend of years and we just kicked it. we chatted for long hours, watched the sunset, and reminisced about old times. we break bread together, we spend time together, we live in peace together.
i don't want to be morbid about the day, but it sucks...minus the fact that i get to talk to the only toxic family member i love. she's a God send. sun, june 1
the days have melted into one big chunk of time but i am properly bathed and rested and forgiven for the most part... i much rather the version of myself that was able to give more and be helpful and right now, i don't really feel much like it. i feel like i have offered so much because i am really good at giving. i just have been feeling so worthless and i know better. i'm just trying my best to make these changes and i'm hopeful there's enough time to fix all of this.
mon, june 2
well, the day started off well. my special friend has been very kind and supportive. later i received a call from him very upset with me. i overstepped and used their address once for a rewards gift card and while they didn't send anything, someone else did. i didn't tell him, and i should've. i didn't think anything was going to be sent but that is far from the point because i did wrong. i should've asked in the least. for what it's worth, i haven't been the best person to him... and with everything that i have going on right now it has caused him stress that i never desired for him to have. i will ugly cry about this later... very deep prayer ensues.
tues, june 3
i was in and out of sleep all evening the previous night but there was a beautiful storm around 4:30 in the morning that i so desperately wanted to go outside and cleanse in. i didn't because they brought out a few strangers in the night that i didn't want to meet so i tried to go back to sleep. i've been praying all day and night and i managed to eat a healthy breakfast courtesy of wawa, florida's favorite gas station. i took the best idea for a shower today and tried my best to forget about yesterday. that was a very hard test to pass but i did it! currently i'm bumming free wifi as my cell service is off at the moment. i thoguht a lot about what my special friend has been saying and shaking his finger at me throughout the years... and my only deductions are that i really need to just keep getting up and stop doing things to cause me to fail and fall. my main priorities should be centered in changes that i must make if i want the God in me to show brightly and not every once in awhile. i'm already doing better... just need more patience with myself.
wed, june 4
i woke up a little before 7am this morning feeling somewhat refreshed... i couldn't fall asleep last night to save my life! must've been the 3rd red bull i had for the entire day. anyway, i took a walk around the neighborhood park after foraging for a public restroom (haven't had the pleasantries of a bed in a couple days). it was mentally noted that for years i've taken advantage of living in a place where when i need to relieve myself of peepees and doodees it was only a few seconds walking distance, whereas now it's a 3min drive in the hopes that it's accessible. thankfully the park opens at 7am, another piece of useful information to note with living in a car for now. i took a quiet stroll after my business was concluded and took a seat at one of the benches by the water. birds and critters are a lot different during the day than later, they didn't scurry as i walked near them. i just observed them... as i looked over the waters of the lake, i noticed, well what appeared to be a fish swimming above the water. yes, a very much alive fish swimming ABOVE the lake. i was dazed and confused but soon, it dipped back into the water. that was the magic part of my brain explaining the story. what isn't mentioned was that the fish seemed to have had a long, dark stem coming from underneath it; think fish popsicle. but it was almost serpent-like. but it wasn't a snake. it was weird. once it was out of my sight, it left my mind. i let it go. until later, when i witnessed the same fish on the beak of a small pelican like bird. nature explained, the circle of life ensues.
5:13pm - dude... work is kicking my butt right now... i am so exhausted from not getting much sleeeeeeeeeep. please send caffeine x.x
thur, june 5
i needed this day off... i spent it playing video games with my friend all day and eating good food. i am very grateful for fellowship over food.
fri, june 6
nothing much to report this morning, my new routine with waking up and driving to the public restroom was disrupted thanks to a friend that came back in town; she offered me a shower (yay hygiene!). anyway, this morning on my way to work i stopped for coffee and crumbs (short for "award winning" lemon frosted donuts from le gas station).
you learn a lot from asking questions. i have a friend (or several) that desire for space to be filled with conversation due to lack of "filled space" so they ask questions; we can call this ADHD. hehe. as a rep and admiring advocate, i welcome this because i am also a n.e.r.d. abbreviated for "near erratic restraint disorder" where i am eager to answer questions when i'm asked without acknowledgement of my opinions as answers being something that is welcomed. sucks hard.
i miss my scorpio friend... i really hope that they're doing okay. it appears easy to just exercise how you feel but with the added anxiety and relability i feel it becomes more difficult because i don't want to invade or be a burden. i've noticed when i do care i tend to forget about my own circumstance and for the most part i have open opportunities to assimilate (sp) to the victimization role often. but i don't.
sat, june 7
nothing major to report except i was able to stay at "grandpa's" and sleep on the comfy couch.
sun, june 8
happy Chira day! today was wonderful, after work i got much needed rest (thanks grandpa) and shower before church today. june 8th is a very special day and i'm very thankful i got a chance to experience it again this year. i was also able to celebrate another birthday today, my friend turned 21! we had so much fun and i was able to play some video games so that was pretty cool. i was also able to talk to an old friend and square away any bad juju between us. i can tell she felt bad for how things happened and honestly i did too. we were both very emotional but it was nice to share how we felt and tell each other how much we loved each other. i'm very grateful for today...
mon, june 9
this morning was a piece of work for me but i was able to get some rest; i didn't actually get up until around 2pm. i work at 4pm.
work was okay. a lot of attention because i went to early morning service at church yesterday. i am feeling large waves of overstimulation and i really just want to sit and exist in a space where i don't have to speak or do anything... and if i'm noticed by any human lifeforms i just want to be who i am without there being a reaction of what the hell i'm doing.
tue, june 10
woke up refreshed; grateful for the couch again. went and grabbed coffee and gas for "baby girl" aka my elantra. i've made so many plans with this new lifestyle of living but i didn't consider my emotions when it may come for me to sell baby girl.
humans are weird; at least the ones that think they must fill the space with incessant talking.
wed, june 11
good morning! yesterday was a struggle but i am grateful for the couch. i am just suffering for overstimulation but i am alive and well. my mommy called me yesterday evening & that honestly made my day. it was a rush of good feeling that poured over me after a long day. that's the best i could describe it. i forgot (even though i said i wouldn't) that i picked up a coworker's am shift in place of my closing... and yeah, i was late. thankfully my manager was kind enough to call (and i absolutely mean that comically) and remind me "hey your scheduled 9-5p today!" i must remember to set myself an alarm for all the changes in my schedule.
this is also important to note: grandpa smokes the worst cigarettes and laundry day is coming in quicker than i would like. i would wash a dish before i have the thought to wash an item of clothing because I HATE LAUNDRY. it's the dumbest chore but in its defense a necessity... i don't want to smell like cigarettes as a nonsmoker. also must figure out new protective hairstyle as the smell has invaded every follicle of hair i have on my head. just a minor complaint but immense gratitude for having access to shower and couch via grandpa for the last couple days. he's asked me to housesit next month since he's going to be with his girlfriend and pup for a week.
while i should be excited that the day last much longer than 24 hours, i'm dreadinggg that this was the longest shift i've ever worked. my scorpio friend messaged me and i'm so very glad to see them laterrr!! i just want to feel semi-normal for once lol.
thu, june 12
i had so much fun last night with scorpio frienddd! i had takeout and ice cream while watching a movie. it's the most normal fun i've had in so long and it's sooooooo appreciated; really!! i've run out of listening ears for grandpa and what he thinks i want to talk about; i think he thinks that i'm bored if i'm not talking to him but i honestly just want to sit and exist from time to time. and i hate complaining. i really do. i slept alllllllll day today. while in a normal lifestyle this is very counterproductive, i think it necessary since my body hasn't caught up on comfortable sleep. i also haven't been on tiktok lately... i guess emotionally i'm still adjusting to this new life.
fri, june 13
this morning was wonderful even though grandpa is in and out of sleep every two hours; when he wakes up he GETS up so there's lots of noise around the apartment. we share a studio on two separate couches; i sleep on the loveseat and he's got the longer one even though he's not much taller than me teehee. anyway, i was welcomed sporadically with 305 smoke because he smokes a pack a day which crippled my time sleeping but thankfully i slept all day yesterday.. i took out my faux locs too as to wash my hair. she's gotten longer but my scalp needs dior aid and maintenance.
work isn't horrible but it's dragginggg. i'm really going to be upset when i have to quit. i think i got lost in my thoughts last night during my struggle to fall back to sleep after getting a whiff of 305's. i just kept thinking to myself "what if this all works out"
just now realizing it's friday the 13th
i've cooked a lovely meal for myself and i have completed the dreaded laundry task. i have been mindful to keep the laundry in the car even though i don't particularly like the idea of my clothes smelling like hot florida car; but i'd much rather that smell than the cigs.
sat, june 14
what a sensational saturday!! my hair doesn't smell as bad as of lately which is great but i had the strangest dream of a new protective hairstyle. thankfully i've purchased the hair for it weeks ago. i wish however that i would've done it earlier because believe it or not yung joc is going to be here in florida at the most random event in a place that is very "red" if you know what i mean. either way, i'm pretty excited just to go and see him, or in the very least see him crack a joke lol. it's a free event celebrating juneteenth (i've also been watching a lot of news and i have been getting a signal that maybe i shouldn't be out today at all). my sister's birthday is tomorrow and i wish i had money to send her. unfortunately i haven't been getting paid as often as i used to be but that will soon change. p.s. while i am a hugeeeeeeee advocate for the greater human good and grace, i live in florida; this has become more difficult to maintain with time lol.
sun, june 15
today is my sister's birthday. i was sure to send her a birthday text and a video from seeing jung joc the other day. i was also sure to send my dad a happy father's day text as well. nothing eventful to report except i slept most of the day and showered. grandpa is out of town visiting his girlfriend so i had the cig apartment to myself which was quite pleasant; not to say that his prescence bothers me, it's just overstimulation was taking full access to my body and i was not feeling it. i got to talk to my mother last night; i slept in the car to not disturb grandpa's rest.
mon, june 16
i threw up today because i made the foolish mistake of drinking cheap alcohol; i was feeling lonely... but not the kind of lonely where i feel like i don't have support. just... i don't know empty inside... i really got to stop filling up with toxic spirits especially ones from the gas station that cost less than $5... thankfully i made it to work a little early as to just breathe in cleaner air.
tue, june 17
*summary from 9:30am june 18th* yesterday i decided to put my phone away for a bit and took a train trip to longwood, florida. i cleaned a lot before leaving because my silly self thought about DRIVING there. what i've learned about myself on the trip was that i'm a bit picky.. regarding experiences and people... while i have the desire to be married with a family of my own, i don't want it with just anyone and won't accept the offer from someone i don't want it with... but then again, maybe that's not picky after all.
wed, june 18
this morning i was exceptionally bothered because i spent all day yesterday to myself with little to no human interactions. i wonder when this became my new preference, limited interactions with humans, because i used to love being around any and all of them but now i just want to be left alone... maybe when i started waiting tables..? meep. either way, my social battery is depleted once again and it's simply due in part because i'm starting to enjoy my me time while grandpa is away with his girlfriend and dog.
thu, june 19
i woke up at like 6am this morning feeling so refreshed! happy juneteenth! it was honestly a very boring evening even though i had the worst nightmare ever; i had a dream that i had a hand in unaliving someone and it honestly is because i had wayyy too much pork last night lol. but seriously i woke feeling feeling so awful but refreshed in a way... maybe it means that i was killing a part of myself thus leading my awake self feeling a heavy weight lifted off, i don't know. anyway, laundry day was today so i did that to relieve the smelly cig clothes i've had for the week but before that i made a wonderful breakfast. i love breakfast at any time of the day. i only got a chance to speak to a friend i haven't heard from in awhile but it was awesome! it's nice to know that others are thinking of you but her kids have gotten so big (i'm tearing up because her eldest is the one i spent time with the most before, during, and after her birth!). she gave me some really good advice and i know it's coming from a very real place. currently did my hair and i'm for the most part satisfied, except i know i have to figure something out for tomorrow morning's owrk shift. all in all, today so far has been nothing short of brilliant. i am hopeful to support a Black owned business in some way today with the funds i have remaining in my account before payday. my food is provided by a Black owned business after all; my own hands lol.
fri, june 20
today is my [late] grandma's birthday. the day is off to a grand start considering that the sun kissed me in all the right places and that i was on time for work today lol. i had a great lunch [even though i wanted to eat something to honor my grandma's taste... cafeteria nachoes or chinese buffet] but i made sure to sprinkle a little bit of "home" on my meal [lemon pepper seasoning from gary] ;p
sat, june 21
*from future me* this day was kinda boring, i spent most of the summer solstice inside and i was not happy about that... but i had a great evening the night prior because i cooked a meal [kinda salty] for the folks that charge their phones outside of grandpa's apartment. we had a good time just chatting over a home cooked meal.
sun, june 22
i wanted to go to church today but i didn't... instead i drove around wherever my car would lead me. it was nice, i ate well today too.
mon, june 23
i usually close today for work but instead i switched with a coworker and i'm very happy to because that means i'm off earlier than expecteddd. i hate late shifts at the library... https://www.youtube.com/@DavidHilowitzMusic
tue, june 24
nothing much to report except i sat down to eat for a solo date and it went lovely.
wed, june 25
i slept with the curtains opened so the sun gave me a warm welcome to the morning. grandpa offered a grilled cheese and crackers to one of the young girls downstairs and a place to rest last night. very sweet except she often points out things in his apartment as if she's intending on stealing it. thankfully nothing has occured and everything i own is still mostly in my car.
work is going "swimmingly" today... and by that i mean a lot of patrons are causing trouble because they don't have internet. it's crazy how upset and whiny older folks get when the wifi isn't available when they complain about tablet children in this "day and age" they're all just the same... but it's okay, wasn't too bad to have a break from being connected.
thu, june 26
this morning was wondrful considering i had the best dreams. i really have to get into the habit of writing these things down.. because it inspired me to not snooze or go back to sleep... i actually got up and have been up since 6am this morning. it was great to feel some sense of desire to go about my day. i had one of my favorite meals at noon and was able to run some kind of errands inbetween. it bemuses me to know that there are still people out there that are unaware of how many humans and ideals have changed. i guess that's what i get for couch surfing at a republican's house... i take that back. he just complains a lot lol.
fri, june 27
last night i received news from my mom that our dog passed away; i use the word dog lightly considering she was one of us. i have been a sobbing wreck for over 24 hours... i haven't slept and i honestly just want to curl into a little ball and weep for all of maybe 3 hours. Pepper was there for me when my best friend broke up with me, when i got off work thinking it didn't at all mattered if i worked hard or not, and when i just wanted to lounge on the couch when i watched tv to just exist... thank you Peppercorn... i really wanted to see you before you left. didn't think it would take you this way and thought maybe you'd figure out how to get out of the gate again...
sat, june 28
nothing to report... because it sucked
sun, june 29
my car now has two flat tires.. annoying
mon, june 30
tue, july 1
i tried my best to keep my journal limited by just not writing and i didn't want to do anything but it so i yapped to a lot of people that don't care about what i'm going through instead.
wed, july 2
today was trying to be good. grandpa is back on travel to take care of his girlfriend's dog for a couple days while i get to sleep on the couch. sleep eludes me, and i honestly haven't eaten for like two days so yeah... life is takinga big toll. not to mention that it is also expected for me to just be okay with everythign that has happened to me thus far; excuse me, everything that i get to go through thus far. all in all, i just want to play my video game with my family by the end of the night.
thu, july 3
nothing to report except i played stardew valley all day this day
fri, july 4
i spent even more time playing stardew valley and talking to my family back home; wasn't intending on celebrating the "holiday" but got a text from one of my mom friends and we spent the hour watching fireworks with her son *heart*
sat, july 5
one of my coworkers, can uplift my spirits every single time we work together without fail. i don't even remember that i've been greiving for almost 2 weeks :) but honestly all of staff on saturdays are really cool; i really enjoy my saturday shifts... for the last two days i didn't even try to write or document anything but i did make several social media posts because the sadness started to sink in heavy.
sun, july 6
this morning was tough to wake up considering i have picked up a shift at another branch. i do enjoy it there though, it's actually quiet lol. clock out at 3pm todayyy
mon, july 7
yesterday was the best sunday i've had in awhile *.* i got to spend some time with my kpot bestie & her sisterrr after work and we had a blasttt. since sissy wouldn't be in town for my birthday they decided to celebrate early [very, very early lol] i honestly just enjoyed the hang time and said it wasn't really necessary to treat it as a birthday treat because i'm more than positive i will be working on that day anyway. i worked on my birthday last year too, for context i'm in my mid 30s soon to be breaking another age bracket... [late 30s is going to sound so "ghetto"] anyway, today isn't so bad as i got ready to be at work... it's dragginggg but overall i don't feel that rush of sadness as much which is awesome!
tue, july 8
today i did absolutely nothing for my day off and it felt amazinggg! it really makes me confused when other people feel like it's boring to just reset. i feel so refreshed and i got to spend some game time with my favorite stardew sister. it also helps that we eat well whenever we're together. it has also been very nice to sleep in an actual bed... it does dishearen me that i only take up so much space in it; it's a king sized bed. definite upgrade from the love seat i've been on for a couple weeks now.
wed, july 9
i slept in really hard today before work at 4pm; which isn't bad considering we spent all night playing video games. i woke up at around 11ish and went back to sleep... please don't take your beds for granted! lol. there was something strange to note on sunday but i don't want to blast it on a blog but i want to be able to note that my uncle is super generous and kind. i miss our chats about real issues. he's always served as a big brother when we were growing up.
thu, july 10
today i took myself out after searching for a side mirror for my car because i deserved a good solo date! O_o i had potstickers and nachos..
fri, july 11
this morning was tough, as in, i couldn't pry myself off of the couch to get ready for work when my alarm went off. this entire week was a struggle to be honest... but we have survived! after work i was able to spend some time with my special friend and sleep in a bed; it's been a long time since i was able to rest in a bed so that was truly an experience lol.
sat, july 12
had to work the morning shift again and honestly it wasn't the best because i was soooo sick. really bad cough. after work i was able to hang out with kpot bestie & sissy for her last few days here in sunny florida :( though we didn't do much it was all i needed to refresh and sissy cooked a BOMBBBBB ASS japanese curry!! it was soooo good i literally stuffed my face the whole day and drank so much coconut milk that i could've exploded lol. me and kpot bestie were able to play a few days of stardew and our farm is coming along nicely.
sun, july 13
after last night's festivities we went to bed pretty late but we got to have outside fun today at an escape room not too far from where bestie stays... we breezed through it and had many laughs! i must post pictures soon as i feel my blog is a bit boring without them.
mon, july 14
i didn't want to go to work today... better yet, i didn't want to leave bestie & sissy :( we have so much fun together that i forget that i actually live inbetween my car and a couch somewhere. they've literally celebrated my birthday each time we met up which is so funny to me lol (my birthday is not til the end of this month) but i'm glad for it because sissy goes back to school soon; she leaves tomorrow morning :( i know bestie will be kinda sad to see her go but i know she's going to be okay. she does so much for her family; it's one of my favorite things about her. anyway, it's been awhile since we had kpot so we went there. the owner was so happy to see me as i was to see him. he also mentioned that i can come back (he's been wanting me back for awhile now lol). i actually may consider it since i can make some extra money. the library isn't paying enough and i must finish paying my court fees soon.
tue, july 15
i haven't had a crash out session in awhile til today... i don't like anyone... and that sucks.
wed, july 16
i had lunch with my kpot bestie today, we had main street pizza and it was absolutely delicious! work is going slow though...
thu, july 17
thu, july 18
fri, july 19
sat, july 20
sun, july 21
mon, july 22
tue, july 23
wed, july 24
thu, july 25
fri, july 26
sat, july 27
sun, july 28
mon, july 29
tue, july 30
wed, july 31
I live in a 2005 Hyundai Elantra...for now.
